Sometimes I find myself really sad, because I haven't been really sad for a while.

Sometimes I write because I want to be read, not understood.

Sometimes I paint because I want to paint.

Sometimes I find myself really sad, because I haven't been really sad for a while.

Sometimes I find myself corrupted in the idea of "The World".


Sometimes I drink pessimism and feed on grief and sadness. It's my private feast.


One day, I had my hair dyed for the first time. The hairdresser showed me hundreds of colour palettes before my eyes. Bright red, eccentric yellows and you know, some other colours that you might only have seen on cartoons... I couldn't make the decision and asked him to pick one for me. It was like a personality test, and I allowed a stranger to write the description for me. It turned out to be Sienna Red. I looked into the mirror. I was thrilled, it's the first time I actually undergone a major change in my appearance. Yea, I was satisfied.

And then I went home, back to my little green room. I looked into the mirror again. The Sienna Red was shining on my head and my face was in a sickly green reflection. I looked extremely tired. It's like I haven't slept for ten years or my face have never stopped weeping.

I felt sad for the short-lived happiness I once had. I felt happy for co-existing with sadness.


Something more 'optimistic'.

I read Carver's Cathedral early in this morning. Took a short trip to Notre Dame with a doodle on a random piece of paper. Had dumplings with a little bit of kimchi. Poured myself a nice glass of sake and made a wish on the first day of lunar new year. No relatives, no parents, no Traditions, no role-plays. Just me and the refreshing air. Perfect.

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I know, and I don't know

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